Last night was fireworks night. You probably expect this blog to be a 'light the blue touch paper and stand well back' kind of rant but I'm remarkably chilled about the matter. And it's not because of any anti-anxiety medication that vets dish out to my quivering pals because I'm not on any. I don't need it. I'm used to loud bangs and whizzing zooms because my master listens to lots of heavy rock music.
Okay I was a little miffed about having to change route twice during my evening walk last night because parents were setting off fireworks in the public park. Plus the local youths were building another bonfire on the path out of old clothes, two mattresses and a cardboard box and one of them was embarrassed in front of the lassies because his lighter had run out and his cooler pal was ignoring the incessant shouts to borrow his because he was too busy feeling up a girl behind a tree and wasn't capable of multitasking. But on the plus side, the master mistook my midnight barking to be a sign of distress and let me back upstairs under the bed covers for another hour until the noises had subsided. I was just complaining about the late hour and didn't they have beds to go to but I wasn't going to argue with him. Double treat night for me.
The thing about Guy Fawkes Night that confuses me is why do Scots bother about it. It commemorates a thwarted plot to blow up the House of Lords in 1605. Okay, I understand Fawkes and his collaborators were English and the person they were trying to kill, King James the First, was Scottish and that any English failure would give any Scot ample reason to party. But it was a Catholic plot to blow up a Protestant king and that sounds a bit sectarian to me. Aren't we trying to eliminate sectarianism from Scottish society?
What we really need is our own reason to party: a Scottish Fireworks Night, and I think I've come up with the perfect occasion, which parallels events of 400 years ago.
Just five years ago we had a failed attempt by another religious group to blow up a Scottish building. June 30th, 2007, the day Glasgow Airport didn't go up in petrol and propane flames: wouldn't that make an ideal date for a Scottish Fireworks Party Night? All the kids would be finished school and could stay up late to watch the displays. They wouldn't need to wrap up warm because it would be summer (not a guarantee: it is Scotland!) and then everyone could fly off on holiday through the very same airport afterwards.
If anyone knows Alec Salmond email address maybe they could pass this suggestion onto him for his Independence manifesto. It could be a real vote winner!