This week I caught a chill.
At first I thought I was just a little under the weather. I had a temperature, a strong thirst, a very sneezy nose and I felt tired. Then I felt this very urgent need to pee. It was so embarrassing as my owners had just gone out without mentioning to me when they'd return. What was I to do? I lay there trying to forget about it, wondering what Santa Paws might be bringing me for my Christmas. But it was no use. After an hour I just had to go. I rose from my bed and, as I did, I sprayed my bed, my duvet and the kitchen wall. The relief and shame were in equal measure.
My master was the first to return and was quite shocked by the smell. He sniffed around like an amateur and ended up removing the bag from the kitchen bin, thinking it was the wasted food that was giving off the unpleasant odour. I suppose I should be pleased that he didn't think it could be coming from my bed, especially as I was still lying in it.
He did eventually twig when he returned to make his lunch. A bed washing later and the smell was gone from the kitchen, as the bed lay drying on a concertina tubular clothes airer upstairs. He thought he was going to get a pat on the back for showing such initiative. Possibly he would have had he used washing powder. I don't think he'll ever be fully house trained. The mistress despairs.
I had to sleep on a spare duvet. So did he. It would have been funnier if she'd made him sleep on my bed before she washed it again. I suppose though they train humans not to rub their noses in it when they've been bad.