Sunday, 31 October 2010

Trick or (Dog) Treat

It's Halloween. The night when children turn into beggars, demanding sweets or money in return for a joke or a song or some other equally pathetic entertainment. I would imagine paedophiles up and down the country are rubbing themselves in anticipated glee. "Come into my home, little one, I've got a treat for you."

If they were especially devious, they might borrow someone else's house, decorate it to the max in horrible Halloween paraphernalia, disguise themselves in costume to prevent identification, then let the party begin. They'd have their own joke.

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Paedo who?"
"Paedo Phil, the kiddy fiddler." (Phil not being his real name obviously.)

Scary thought.

Still, seeing all those kids wandering the street with bulging carrier bags full of treats got me thinking. Why couldn't I do the same thing? I can be a scary monster without a costume. Imagine the surprise of the householder when their bell goes and they open the door to see me sitting there, doggy bag in mouth, demanding food. They'd think what a fantastic costume, so life-like, and such a convincing doggy voice. They'd give me lots of sweets because if they didn't I'd poop in their garden as a trick.

Isn't that the true spirit of Halloween?